Silent Passengers – Inside the Spiral (Part 3)
Becky wonders about White Socks for the first time since losing herself inside the spiral. Then, sitting here on the platform, she needed time to digest Amy’s words. But despite all that Becky had heard, she wasn’t afraid – unsure, but not afraid.
And she didn’t mourn her life on earth – that part of her journey was over. There was no use holding on to it. Inside the spiral, she learned to let go of the unnecessary. All that remains is the now. And right now, she needs to know that White Socks is OK. He had always been there for her, no matter what.
“Amy? I was just thinking about White Socks. Without me, he has no one to care for him. Do you know what happened to him after my accident?” As Becky looks toward Amy, she realized how much she trusts this woman and considers her a friend. Becky recognized in Amy, a part of herself, once lost.
“White Socks went to live with Mandy. It was Mandy who found your body when you didn’t show up at the bar on Saturday night. She tried texting, but when you didn’t answer, she left the club and took a cab to your building. She had the spare key that you gave her during your hospital stay, so she let herself in. White Socks was still trying to wake you. Others offered to take him as well. You had loyal friends. But Mandy insisted that he belonged with her.”
In the Middle of Nowhere
How long they sat and rocked was of no importance, as time didn’t care to visit. Here, the passengers were in good hands, and didn’t need time to keep track of them. It was contented to leave this place in the hands of the guardians.
This place in the middle of nowhere, and from where the universe reached out to infinity. At its center, the blue spiral and its silent passengers. Unknown to the passengers, were the endless stars and luminous spiral corridors, leading to everywhere in every knowable color.
But sitting here on the platform with Amy to keep her company, Becky could see, and marveled at the transcendent picture it painted. Not wanting to ever forget this moment, she stored it in her heart for the journey ahead. And as she absorbed its beauty, Becky thought about staying here for eternity, knowing it was impossible. She could think of nothing more breathtaking than here.
“It’s so beautiful, Amy. I can’t imagine anywhere more extraordinary. Is this your home?” The journalist in Becky couldn’t resist asking. Amy knew everything about Becky, but Becky knew nothing about Amy.
“Ah, there’s that curiosity.” Amy smiled at her young charge. Most were so overwhelmed by their new knowledge, they never thought to ask of her origin. She had suspected that Becky would be different. For Becky had always followed her own path, regardless of the consequence.
The Seeds We Sow
“This has been my home for three hundred earth years. Before then, I took my own journey, just as you will take yours. Mine was a journey of struggle, filled with personal demons and painful memories of my life on earth. My family was slaughtered when I was still thirteen, so my aunt Claire took me in. There I worked hard, helping my aunt around the house.
Aunt Claire’s husband was a cruel man who liked to exert his power over others, including my aunt and cousins. On my fifteenth birthday, he came into my room and raped me. It became a habit for him. When a friend of my uncle’s declared his interest in me, I jumped at the opportunity to get away from my uncle.
By then, I was eighteen and a little young for marriage. Although the years spent helping my aunt had prepared me to run my husband’s house. Ours was a loveless marriage, but we built a friendship that lasted until his death. And out of our friendship, five children would be born.
Unknown to our children, my husband kept a mistress for the majority of our marriage. I discovered the fact after he was murdered. His mistress came to see me one afternoon, informing me that my husband still owed her money from his last visit with her.
The seed already planted in my heart, began to grow as others came looking for the money Sam owed them. I payed off what debt I could, but there was no way of paying off the bank for our land. Fortunately, it was just me by then, so I moved in with my oldest son, where I lived until my death.
Love’s Eternal Light
The darkness continued to grow, swallowing whatever light it touched. When I passed away, the light was little more than a flicker. During my journey, I learned to let go of my hatred for those who had slaughtered my family, and the rage against my uncle. In letting go that hatred and rage, my battered soul began its long healing process.
I also learned to forgive my husband, finally understanding that he had never intended to hurt me. Our marriage had been based on friendship, not passion. And he remained faithful to our friendship. In making that distinction, I could celebrate the years we spent raising our children together.
You see, little one, it was never my right to judge Sam because of his failings. During our marriage, he always provided for his family. I didn’t know about the debt, or the money left owing on the land. Sam took care of our finances. And like many others, he ran out of time to fix whatever wrong he’d done.
Once I forgave Sam, I was free from the dark holding me hostage, pouring out the water that had nurtured it. The darkness gave way to light, flooding my heart and soul.”
How could anyone forgive such cruelty? Becky was dumbfounded. Unhurried tears spilled down her cheek before vanishing. The tears leaving a wet trace above her top lip. Normally, she would’ve quickly brushed away the evidence, but she sensed it was useless to hide anything from Amy. This woman who could speak to her heart, could surely hear it as well.
A Leap of Faith
Seeing her tears of sorrow, Amy recalled the many tears Becky had shed over the years. Too many for someone so young. Perhaps she shouldn’t have shared so many details with Becky. But Amy couldn’t hide her truth from those she loved.
“No need to cry, my dear child. I’ve let go and my heart is filled with God’s light. I found my way home, as will you. I heard the uncertainty in your heart earlier. But you must have faith in yourself, and trust the truth you will find on your journey. Believe in your strength, Becky.”
Trusting Amy also meant trusting her wisdom. I can do this, Becky told herself with half-formed conviction.
“Have faith in yourself, Becky.” Amy repeated gently. For Becky’s faith in herself was the key to opening the door.
“I can do this.” This time, Becky’s voice was firmer. She placed complete trust in the woman beside her. And as she said the words, a door appeared at the edge of the platform.
“It’s time for you to go, little one. Just as you could only see me when you were ready, the door only appears to those who are ready to open it.”
©Brenda Baker 2018
And thus ends chapter 1. In chapter 2, Becky will take a leap of faith. Until next time, be kind to yourself. And don’t be shy. I love hearing from you!
No matter the size, our dreams all weigh the same.